why do serial cheaters want to stay married

He got married to the woman and they even went to my ex business partners vacation home for their honeymoon. They will yell at you that they know you are cheating because you are 30 minutes late coming home from work. They do not want responsibility for their actions and their exes will mostly be discussed in a bad light. Most times it wont steer you wrong. Because you havent taken strong steps: Some people are just cheating because their partner hasnt taken any strong steps against them. Well since I work with him in the same office at our business there is no room for any kind of office romanceexcept with me of course!! Unfortunately Sarah, she wanted my life, she left her h, was seeking divorce, and used my h to help her anyway she could. Matter of fact it makes him that much more appealing. There is something broken for sure. My personal opinion of married men who cheat is -- to kick them to the curb - the sooner the better. You are investing too much of your self worth in his opinion and what he said or did. It also kept me from being the best mother I could be for my kids. There is really no room for getting to know someone one-on-one. If so, that's a blatant red flag your partner might be doing something suspicious. Some common reactions to this trauma include: Your brain slows everything down so that you are able to take it all in slowly, trying to minimize the horror of what your partner has done. Of course hes going to tell you that this one was emotional the others were just purely physical and guess what hes telling his wife the same thing about you. Very openly complimentary. So they can easily love the person theyve married. You may even become your own detective, going through his phone, emails, pockets, and online activities. She wants your life. "In truth," Wish told INSIDER, " [cheaters] are deeply insecure people who feel flawed, unloved, angry, and, ironically, robbed of something that they needed emotionally in life as a child.". I remember saying Ive learned a lot myself and about myself too. Well, if any of you have advice on what me or my husband could do to get her to go away, let me know. Upon discovering that their spouse is a chronic cheater, the betrayed partners emotions, indeed their universe, are entirely turned upside down. Ohhh really, well this man has just been separated from his wife and she starts having an affair with you, wtf, what do you expect this man to do and say to her, while his emotions are running high. Once I began understanding the level of pain I had caused his w (after reading Lindas 10 things I hate about you and reading the experiences of other bss I desperately wanted to let his w know I accepted responsibility for my part and that I wanted to reassure her I would never talk to her h again. I could have used the thousands of $$ wasted on fake marital therapy to get out of town. In some cases, seeing what else is out there may make a man realize how lucky he is to have his wife, especially if the affair was disappointing. But, he is still a naturally likable guy and many women misread it. This really is a terrible story and I am so sorry you have had to go through it. I can see so much of my cheating husband in this article. What I've discovered is that there are three main reasons why married men say they cheat and yet remain married: 1. Ohh if I had known about the indiscretions my H had. "Essentially they will find a way to create time and space away from their mate early on to avoid raising suspicions later on," he says. You did not succeed in breaking us, you did not know who you were up against, that was your biggest mistake, not knowing who your opponent was, you thought you knew, but you had no idea. The ap for you, the ow/om for us, although we know they arent worth the time or space in our minds, they have caused so much havoc in our lives, that it is hard for us to truly let go of the thoughts that come to mind, and we end up getting emotionally tired and upset, just wanting them to leave our minds for good. Recent statistics from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy confirm that over 57% of men and 54% of women admit to cheating. She has to see that he has no interest in her, but his own family. I would have grabbed that damn phone locked myself in the bathroom and read everything whether he called me crazy or not, and then I would have given him 5 min to leave. Hopefully he will never let his guard down, I know I wont. A heads up to everybody, this article , which is very good endeed, is done in a context that the MAN is the sole perpetrator of this hurting behavior, I am a man and have 15 years of marriage and after our son was borned in 2006, is that I realized who I was married to, All nine traits depicted above, and much more, all executed masterly by my wife, one particular evening I had the need to know why and typed in my computer: profile of people who poison, I was knocked out of my shoes when I read that, it was she, my wife the person I loved so much for so many years, since then I keep investigating and have learned plenty of psico stuff and here is the heads up, women cheat as much as man do and I dare to say even more, beware, most of this people have a tendency to be sociopaths, eventually they will hurt you somehow, maybe a bad meal, some altered eye drops, non friendly shakes, whatch you in your sleep and the cherry of the top is that they will tell to all of her/his friends that YOU are the one doing all those bad deeds, one very good hint for you all, find in the web the hare test dont run away yet, perform the test, if he/she obtain 20 to 30 point then now you HAVE to run away like hell, times have changed my friends. Egads I cant wait, havent had a glass for three days and I swear I think Im getting the DTs its been a long freaking week. I think for many cheaters it just becomes part of who they are. Him having to go to some kind of treatment should tell you a lot about the real person he is. Who wouldnt?? The lengths that this guy would go to were more skilled than almost anything I had seen or read about. We are older with grown children, I know if I was younger he would be gone!! I have much the same personality traits as Giz and was a CS. Serial cheaters get and stay married because on some level they too want a companion to share their life with. But, dont let substances such as alcohol fool you. How did the affair evolve and what were some of the clues the wife could have seen? I thought through this, and decided it was an exceptionally clever tactic. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. Alternating between feeling numb and striking out in retaliation. I also think they get a bigger thrill from being in an affair with a non pig rather than another pig. Some serial cheaters experience guilt over their actions, but others show little or no remorse. Eyes He told the ow about those too. Yet, he hasnt figured out where hes going to live, how hes going to tell his friends, or what the divorce process would even entail. Why the hell not? Its bait. But the most dangerous one is a Serial Cheater.They will cheat again and again but still want to stay married. Shes lying to seem more swanky and chic. It takes two to tango and she admits she has forced this guy to buy a house with her with both names on the title. In the history of the world, it hasnt happened. Yep he was stupid enough to invite the camel into the tent. I believe the talk between the affair partners about how miserable their lives are with their spouses is a vital conversation to justify the affair. Turns out it wasnt anything I had done, it was all she was doing, she planted her bait, and let him nibble at it, until she hooked him, by playing with his head. Having obsessive thoughts centered on what your partner has done or is currently doing. He hates all that in men and women and yet.. Well you know. Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV. Maybe thats why Im always married, lol. "They can look you in the eye and say things such as: What a long day at work,' when they were actually with another person.". A: We started working on lots of projects together (over a 3 yr period) and the more we worked together the more success we had so our ideas and projects were supported by our boss and peers. You need to get to know Sarah.. Instead of the women fighting each other, they bond over wine and plot their revenge which includes spiking his drinks with estrogen so that he grows breasts Its still cheating, of course but marriage makes all the difference to me. Ohh boy, it must not have been that bad if she stayed with him for 20 friggin years. Oh yeah I think he saw the light but I think its because Mrs. MM said look here you tosser (LOL like that, its English, I know get your crazy self to rehab or Im divorcing you this time and taking EVERYTHING! Maybe on way of shutting her down is if your H would turn and say Well why on earth would you stay with a guy like that? Here's What To Do If You Can't Stop Cheating On Your Partners Ad infinitum. "Now you're not sure when you're going to see or hear from your partner. You may have gotten into his head for a little whole, but you thought you needed to ruin a good man to end up getting your way. Like she needs to be rescued. Therefore, he will not settle for being less than top dog. Please believe that. I have thought about asking him to shut himself down, but that isnt fair because he never does anything inappropriate and does not even engage in any kind of conversation that is R rated. Honestly to think that was our darkest moment, and we can say, we got through to the other side, a stronger couple. My husband does have a part in this and here is what it is: he is the type of guy who is so affable that he has no enemies. Maybe they just had the opportunity and decided to go for it. It was amazing to hear the iron-clad lies this guy had and also how devoid of any conscience he was. In most cases these decent women just could not see through the narcs insincere flattery. I hired her as my assistant but she did everything but assist me. thank you for the info, Sarah P! I should mention that the discovery of this second sexual affair came with the admission that the first, was a full blown sexual affair with someone he was making plans to leave me for. So, if someone has almost one of these traits, but at a very low level, and if he makes a very conscious effort NOT to allow these traits to rule his life or take over his better judgement, then he might not cheat. I guess that my main point , and maybe Trying Hard too , but I cant say since Im not her, is this. And the reason they haven't usually has to do with pre-judging their wives coupled with a fear of being judged and denied their needs in an unpleasant way. Im sure she was trying to move in on him. He would get off the phone with me, then be straight on the phone with her. Well fast forward 6 months and I realized we hadnt seen much of john. We talked openly on fb a lot (sign). I am not shy but he made me blush and nervous and heaped a lot of praise and attention on me. Lolololl. There is hope, though, Edelman explains that serial cheaters can seek therapy with professionals to help them get to the bottom of their experiences. Displaces blame: This man constantly displaces the blame onto others when he is clearly the person at fault. But Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD) does make someone far more likely than the ordinary person to be unfaithful to their partner. TH we are in the new house :-). She does not care if this childrens lives are turned upside down, due to becoming a child of divorce, and now I am speaking of my own ow, to have placed her own children, who i am sure had a hard time coming to terms with her own separation from their dad, to jump straight away into a relationship with a mm, and not truly see the damage she is causing her own children as well, because she cant stay without a man, it is just selfish. There are a lot of factors that can contribute to someone's infidelity. You come here supporting us that have been betrayed, and hurt. When you reach out, you get no reply or told they'll get right back to you which they don't," Wish explained. Unfortunately, it sounds like it needs more handling. I felt so alone, I felt she had finally got her way, then I read others post, some of the blogs, and everything just made more sense. You replay loops in your mind, perhaps scenes of what youve discovered, or imagine scenes of what you will discover if you dig deep enough. The affair was full-fledged and long-term. You need to focus on yourself and your needs if you wish to remain with this partner. Although sex addicts have a long standing pattern of using sex as a way to cope with feelings and with life generally, they also typically . Maybe you could ask if being married makes a difference. These traits just make him more than likely to have affairs and continue having them. All of their exes before you were simply not good enough. And Im not going to do that! Before we know why they want to remain married, lets talk about a Serial Cheater. Unfortunately he began to enjoy them after his father died and business was nearly failing. That is what matters. The ow that does this, definitely not stupid by any means, they know exactly what they are doing. 3. Your observations are just so accurate in my opinion. They only thing I would add is, take the bitch back to the parking lot and beat the crap out of her!!! The only way to know for sure is to have an honest conversation. What this study says is that when you put all of those things together, for men, personality characteristics are so strong they bounce everything else out of the model.. "Most people are more disturbed by the breaking of trust and the intimacy in the rival' relationship, than whether there is sex involved.". Why Do Cheating Husbands Stay Married? (10 Proven Reasons) But he always, always, always finds away to displace blame. Detective Gomez, of the Gomez Detective Agency, lists a few potential warning signs of a cheating partner, including: Compulsive cheaters will go to great lengths to hide that behavior from a partner. And TH youre right. Trust me, these women know what theyre doing. Ex: is he sending mixed signals by holding her off but also enjoying the attention? Im not trying to disturb you or upset you in any way . It is a truth universally acknowledged that secrets are no fun unless you share with everyone. The passion or excitement may be lacking in their marriage, even if everything else is going great. In order to understand why, we need to understand why married men cheat in the first place. What I've Learned About Serial Cheaters - Medium Your perspective is an essential part in helping to understand the hows and whys and ultimately how to strengthen all of our marriages. Instead, infidelity is linked with bad decisions, improper situations, and inadequate communication with a partner.. One that I would not get involved with, ever. (She is, by the way, a lovely woman and cute as a button). She goes on to say, "They aren't all alike. Do you think youll ever be able to forgive and trust him? Somewhere in their history, whether its parents]. Its all he knows and his marriage is a safe place for him. Still, only you know what is right for you to do. In some cases, cheating men stay married because they feel like its their only option. Oh Honey forgive me but she meant nothing to me, it was just sex because well narcissists dont feel emotion about anyone but themselves! my AP was my first boyfriend, my first lover, I truly thought he was my soulmate, one true love for YEARS. A sick way of medicating his falling ego. I cannot tell you how many of my husbands female co-workers I have had to warn away in some way or another. I can smell that shit a mile away. 4. Is It Cheating If Youre Not Official? "These are lies, of course, so that when they are not with you, they have a great story to draw from.". I am angered that your in-laws treat you badly and that the OW is even seen at family functions. First of all quit seeing yourself in a bad light and start seeing this self centered narcissistic jerk who used you to stroke his own tragic ego as a jerk. Im shaking my head in disbelief at my former self here. I had to stop reading it. Your mistake thinking I was like you, and wouldnt fight for what was right, you thought I wouldnt fight to save my marriage and to save my husband and children from the likes of you. I hope and pray that you find peace soon as well as a loving support system. How did he find these suppliers. It's paramount to build trust back up again. The crunch came when he sent me a public Facebook message on my holiday saying how quiet it was and they all missed me. Relationship counselor and clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching said cheating is subjective because different people have different boundaries. I also keep A LOT close to my chest. For her crap. 12. He might have mountains of credit card debt and his house might be littered with doo-dads he does not need. How long does it take to get over a cheating spouse? By subscribing to this BDG newsletter, you agree to our. Cheaters tend to take stock in the reverse. The answer is complicated and multi-faceted. Apart from financial loss, cheating husbands may also stand to lose the people closest to them. Im not one to soft soap or pull punches. It shocked him, when he saw I chose to fight for him. This research shows that demographic variables may not influence decision-making as much as previously thought that personality matters more, especially for men. I think theyre nervous giggles after being spoken to by TH. Jeddy, again I am so sorry about everything you are going through. So, he was sitting there thinking, just like the big, bad wolf in sheeps clothing, ohh, the better to fool you with, my dear!. 12 Reasons Unveiled. He had nothing to lose. Why Do Serial Cheaters Want to Stay Married? Dont even get me started on how furious I am that your children are caught in all of this. For some, this is so true, and they become serial cheaters. Serial cheaters are exactly what their title . Youre absolutely right. Ive been reading the comments since the end of last year, the ones about being betrayed by friends left me with a deep sense of sorrow for the posters but I was foolish to think that would not be my reality This second sexual affair was with a friend Words fail me right now in describing the depth of disgust I feel towards my husband and this fake friend; I had to take down all the wedding pictures off the wall Im dealing with a serial cheater clearly. She was very smart and cunning with how she played him, she fed him her sob stories, and then he thought she was such a poor thing, she knew he would start telling her things. She believed he was only with me because if the children, because she was so wonderful, why would he stay with the wicked wife, unless for the children. Catching your partner cheating is one of the most painful things that you can experience in a relationship. Relationship counselor and clinical sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of. One was my childhood sweetheart. Sounds like a lot of what you are describing about yourself is standard introversion, which is a very valuable characteristic. Good luck! Talk about disrespecting an employer! Feeling overwhelmingly powerlessness and broken. Wow, Eyes, I will just have to see I didnt see that one coming. You begin to distrust your own sense of reality. Marriage is supposed to be the ultimate refuge, and when we break. I finished high school and vocational school then took a job in engineering drafting in a large company. Gender stereotypes have got to go! My AP didnt make me do anything. A cheater's secrets can often be revealed through their recent calls list, in text messages on their phone, or a private folder in their email. Serial cheaters like your husband and my ex like cake. According to Graber, applying an armchair diagnosis, such as a fear of commitment or a sex addiction is an easy way for them to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Along with their wives and children, cheating husbands also risk losing money and their social network. "It's . I knew that was overstepping but I liked it. He didnt have to travel in those circles to find his supply. I actually had to leave the office for a while but not before shooting the evil eye to him. A recent study by Scott K. Knopp and associates at the Department of Psychology, University of Denver, showed that people who cheated on a partner were three times more likely to cheat in their next relationship. This guy played you and Im sure it hurts to think that. All of his co-workers know me well since I drop in from time to time and since we do socialize with a couple of the married couples (like his boss and his bosss wife). So, my husband is charming like that, but with everyone, even if they are 90-year-old men who are wheelchair bound. I felt utterly trapped. I caught onto her very early. One-time cheaters will back their words up with actions. (Financial constraints. My h said I dont care if you stay or go because you need to fix this inside yourself. He doesnt want to lose half of his money through a messy divorce. The tendency of a narcissist to cheat on a partner comes from a combination of factors. Im a stay at home Mom with two very young kids and he controls everything. Here are the common traits of a serial cheater: Sociopathic attitudes: Constant disregard for rules; lacks guilt and remorse when caught doing something harmful. I said and by the way, she did the wrong thing, putting her exh on speaker phone, because she only did that, so out of all the conversations you hear of them talking, she puts the one on that has him get angry on. Covert narcissists, on the other hand, are more likely to employ the silent treatment as a manipulative tactic. So for a married man to carry on in front of the whole office would just disgust me. . Now Im moving away to remove myself from all the toxic crap where I am. "Often an affair happens because of opportunity," she says. Thats all (but maybe Im giving myself too much power again). He preys on nice people because they are the last to see through the likes of him because nice people are courteous, trusting, and give the benefit of the doubt many times over. I think you are right, most wives only know about the most recent affair but in the end does it really matter? So, I do not believe this is a way to make in roads with us as a couple. They probably sense I would be pretty pissed. He quit for two years, and I was very happy. Also, my two cents on your own traits that correlate with the list. So, EyesOpened, even though you went along with the affair for a while, I feel like you kind of didnt stand a chance against this guy and he knew it and so he pursued you. Q : Do you think during the affair started that the wife could have done things to stop it or did it need to run its course? We the bs and the cs have been fighting for our marriages, our families, and on both sides, it wasnt easy, but my friend, we became stronger, within ourselves. My h would always say to me, how bad he felt for his skank, ohh the poor thing had such a horrible marriage. (Meant with all sarcasm). I was completely bowled over. Repeat cheaters may be prone to infidelity because of an addiction to sex. One-time cheaters will care more about their partner's feelings and reactions. Why do serial cheaters want to stay married - YourSageInformation I dont for a minute think he thought a lot of me but I do believe I had an impact where previous conquests had passed through. He doesnt want to risk losing the relationship he has with his kids. Serial infidelity has been correlated with personality disorders. Another possibility is that they never felt bad about cheating to begin with, so they didnt need adaptation to occur, they were comfortable with it from the get-go.. It is even more heartless that she was attempting to make an innocent woman and her children homeless just so she could conveniently have someone else pay for her kids and bills. Someone who makes a one-time mistake with cheating will show remorse and admit to being wrong, but serial cheaters see no wrong in their behavior. Top 12 Helpful Tricks, What Makes A Girl Jealous Of Another Girl? The norms in many cultures strongly frown upon divorce. Here are some quotes from an article I found on Science Daily: http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/07/110725123411.htm, -People with sexual performance anxiety are more likely to cheat on their partners., -Men who are risk-takers or easily sexually aroused are also more likely to wander., For both men and women, personality characteristics and interpersonal factors are more relevant predictors than are religion, marital status, education or gender.

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